So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize