You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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