he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We talked him into tasing himself.
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You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
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You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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