Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
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How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Semen is not good for contacts.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
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So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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