I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
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You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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