he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
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I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
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I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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