these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
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Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
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Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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