What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
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judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
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I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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