Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Holy shit dude........stairs
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
