We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She even gives head with a lisp.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
