What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
