if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
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