I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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