yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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