Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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