you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize