Cold hands, warm shart.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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