So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
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I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
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He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You ate ashes out of my bong
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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