I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize