worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
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All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
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You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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