he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize