I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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