Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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