We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Boobs speak an international language.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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