Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize