i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize