new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
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So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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