I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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