Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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