this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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