i can't believe i had my finger in that
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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