Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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