I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
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I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
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Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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