I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize