your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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