im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
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and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
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I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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