OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
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He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
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Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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