just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
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She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
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When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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