You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize