btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
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