I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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