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I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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