I can text with my tongue
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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