If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Randomize