The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
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It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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