Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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