do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
there's paper in my vomit.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
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She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
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Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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