Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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