yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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