I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
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So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
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I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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