Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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